Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
did i walk over a car last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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