He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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