That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize