did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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