i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize