marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
