sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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