Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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