it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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