ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
