Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
