Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
