is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
