so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
