i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
