the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize