I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
