Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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