Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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