I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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