No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
