Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We're too hungover to prance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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