I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
