I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
