Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
