I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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