one two three fourrrrnication!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
