I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
