oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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