sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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