I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
