I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
