So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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