Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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