Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
