I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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