I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
