Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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