My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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