So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
