Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He shit in the fireplace
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
