put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
