so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
