Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
