I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
