Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
