Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
