I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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