So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He better not be in your backpack
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
