Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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