My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
