I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
