Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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