I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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