This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
