I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize