I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize