you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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