if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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