Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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