Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
