She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
