I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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