I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
