mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
