His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My balls are so social today.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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