A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need to calm my uterus...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
