I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
