Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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